What Your Bra Says About You (On a Date)

Hey ladies! (And some dudes!) (This is an actual, real thing and not just some creepy internet guy trying to get you to send him your old bras) I’m addressing that age-old question: If you hook up on a date, what can a guy tell about you from your choice in bra?

As it turns out, if you obsess about which over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder to pull from the bra drawer, you’re totally justified. Men can tell quite a bit about you from the type of breast support you rely on.

For example:

Bandeau Bra: You’re confident.

Underwire Bra: You understand compromise.

Built-In Bra: You value convenience.

Convertible Bra: It’s important to you to keep your options open.

Padded Bra: You’re pragmatic.

Sheer Bra: People fall in love with you too easily.

Push-Up Bra: You’re very, very tricky.

Hanes Racer back Bra: You didn’t expect to hook up tonight.

Victoria’s Secret Racerback Bra: You wanted it to look like you didn’t expect to hook up tonight.

Demi Bra: You’re hot.

Front Hook Bra: I’m not saying it means anything. I’m just saying that the ease with which another person can take it off might have crossed your mind.

Minimizer Bra: You’re modest.

T-Shirt Bra: You’re just, like, casually chilling’. It’s whatever. (Except not really, because then you would have just worn a regular bra and not cared that the seams showed.)

No Bra: No one is going to tell you what to do. Not even your breasts.

Corset: You’re a biter. And kind of a nerd.

Bullet Bra: There is such a thing as being way too into Mad Men.

Water Bra: You don’t really know about… stuff.

Seashell Bra: If it’s Halloween, you’re dressed up as the Little Mermaid. Hot! If it’s not Halloween, you had terrible parents.

Adhesive Bra: You live your life like you’re on the red carpet — ridiculously.


Shelf Bra: You’re kinky. Or you just didn’t know they were supposed to cover your whole boob.

Coconut Bra: You’re a virgin. Who narrowly escaped sacrifice by way of being-thrown-into-a-volcano and didn’t have time to change.

Maternity Bra: You’re, um, pregnant?